We moms are notorious for examining the contents of diapers.

It starts almost immediately after birth when nurses, midwives and pediatricians ask us, every single time they see us, “has he been wetting his diaper? How many times? Has the urine been concentrated? Any brick dust? Any blood? How have the poops been?

How many bowel movements a day?

Is it still black? Is it yellow? Green? Brown? Seedy? Frothy? Solid? Watery? Mucusy? How does it smell? Foul? Yeasty? Sweet? Mild?”

It’s no wonder we quickly get in the habit of assessing health by assessing the contents of diapers. And, when children become mobile, develop small motor control and begin eating things other than mother’s milk or formula, we again develop an intense interest in what’s in the diaper.

We know when they’re starting to teethe (and not just being cranky to spite us and test the limits of our prescription meds) when the semi solid waste gets watery, foul smelling and a bit green. Mothers marvel at how even after they get most of their teeth in, the raisins still aren’t getting chewed and end up in the diaper looking like they’ve been soaked in rum. We can tell when dad let them eat pickles and when we’ve given them way to much milk, cheese and bananas on a single day when their diapers are full of rabbit pellets.

Dads just don’t get this fascination with the state of child’s fecal matter, unless of course the output is prodigious and solid. There is something about man-sized turds in tiny pants that makes men laugh.

But, by far, the weirdest thing about examining diapers is looking for stuff. Actual stuff. Like small possessions you once owned but don’t need now that they’ve been through someone’s digestive system.

Here are the three most recent things found in my son’s diaper:

  1. Dr. Who themed Connect 4 game piece.
  2. Iridescent blue flat marble.
  3. Yellow knee-high Polly Pocket boot.

So, what has your child shat out?

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